I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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