yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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