I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
i believe in u and ur pee
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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