Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
