so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize