I'm so fucking centered right now
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
