I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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