No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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