so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
