Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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