she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
