i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
so let's talk penis.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
i've created a new STD.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
