the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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