I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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