i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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