have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
false alarm, still single
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
