I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize