i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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