If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
