He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
