Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
