the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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