My liver just broke up with me...
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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