You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize