He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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