true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
i've created a new STD.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
