so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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