We won't sleep together?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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