His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Randomize
