Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I enjoy the company of your penis
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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