she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
