Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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