I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I could make wine with my vomit
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Actions speak louder than pants.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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