She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
