I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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