They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
