I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
