It's like a parade of train wrecks.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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