Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Im part way to drunk.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
