They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
