apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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