You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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