I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
