chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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