I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
