i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Blood and glitter go together right?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
