mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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