If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
birth control should be required to get into college
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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