If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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