I'm going to jail i love you
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
