i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
