Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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