I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
