I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize