Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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