I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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