Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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