I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
