my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.Â
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
