yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
