I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
