the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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