so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
