I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
