The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
