I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
He is an equal opportunity slut.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
