She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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