never play flip cup with pint glasses
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
