I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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