i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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