i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
