Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
two words...techno handjob
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
