He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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