I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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