How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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