So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
