Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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