We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize