u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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