i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
