She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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