I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Randomize
