She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
