I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Randomize
