lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
