You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
