it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
