Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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