Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
