I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
