sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
